Is It Flowers You’re After?

First day of production with Sarah Farnsley, 

What’s it all about, the arts? Is it inside? or is it something from the outside that moves in on our spirit? Are we born with it? Whatever it is, many of us feed the artist within, long before ribbons and achievements being honored, we as artist walk the hard path of finding our way within the arts. In many ways it doesn’t make sense to others and at times to ourselves, but we press on, something gets fed inside and we have to keep going. Keep working and improving. Finally, the ends meet and we come to know who we are. We’re artists! Imagine life without the artists, the creators.

That is what this project is about. It is about the journey of the artist. The struggle of going through the developments, the doubts, the failures and dealing with the nay sayers. It’s a long journey just to find yourself, to know your worth, and to finally emerge and be called an artist by others. Hopefully, you have others in your corner, friends and loved ones that help you up when you fall or feel defeated, because it’s a cycle. After many years of ups and downs, having been recognized and honored by institutions and galleries, I struggled with coming back around to the blank canvas. It’s exhausting even when you realize it and see it as part of the process. As artists, we kinda die, or go through metamorphisis after many of our accomplishments. It doesn’t make sense to many outside the art world. “what’s up with them, they just had a successful show, why do they seem down”? Well, we are going through loss, believe it or not, what was filling us and giving us energy is now finished, we have to let go, and find what is next, and not anything will do. It has to be authentic, true to our spirit.

I am an artist. I paint, draw, sculpt and create all sorts of things. Most people only see me as my profession, a photographer. And I’ll be honest, many times being a photographer is not all that creative, and many times I don’t have any control over what I am producing. Over the years, projects like this allow me to just be me, no strings attached, no money involved. Just my inner self allowed to express something that I feel. The images flash inside my head and the muse is alive. I allow it to take me wherever it needs to go. I feel free and excited as it happens. But, as always it comes to an end.

Over the years, I’ve destroyed many of my creations. Into the fire they go. It drives my mother crazy! She doesn’t understand. I can no longer have it around, some of it so very personal. It did what I needed it to do when I was doing it, and it’s not always beautiful. Some works nobody is going to want in their homes, and having it keeps me bound. We must let go, we must allow ourselves to grow and move on, come up out of the grave. The inner workings of an artist are very complex and issues and situations are being processed that the viewer would have no idea about. We all wear our masks in a way, and I think the biggest struggle of the artist is allowing ourselves to take the mask off and be completely authentic. In many ways we must die for the sake of our art in order to come up out of the grave and be free. It’s not always pretty, but it is something that each and every artist will face.